is your mom at the bar?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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