508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
