Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
