my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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