There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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