Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
