He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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