When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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