big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So squirting runs in the family.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
