Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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