Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
is this the sara with the beer cane?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
