I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
