I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
