Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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