im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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