Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I still have a little drunk in my system
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
