How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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