I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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