why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
