Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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