Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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