Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
