Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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