dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
