I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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