OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
