Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
