Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
