So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
