wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oh god it's open bar.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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