On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Too much gin, very little bucket
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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