he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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