Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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