my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
