So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
