I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
