i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
