so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
