I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
