maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
