i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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