I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
