Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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