Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you remember whose house we're in?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
