i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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