I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
