Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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