Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
