im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
