Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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