I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
