We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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