He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
