I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
